Beginnings and Endings...2011 in Review

I can't believe the year is almost over...where did it go? It's been a tumultuous year, in more ways than one. Beginnings and endings...and so of course, sewing had to take a backseat, not least because it has become associated with an ending. I don't think I really did anything but try to remember to breathe, and to take each day as it came, sometimes each hour, each minute for much of the year, and to try and teach my children to do likewise. It was a reminder to me, Dr Organised, who was frequently chosen to speak to new interns about organization and keeping accurate patient records, that just when you think it's all under control, you realize you never were in control. It's been an exercise in humility. And in patience. So my year has been a blur, but finally, it's falling into some semblance of order again. I'm on my own, with 4 children, aged 5 to 10 months; I've had to switch from O&G to General Practice part time, for the income, and the family friendly flexibility it's known for; it happened when i finally realised that all i really want is to be a full time mother and wife and to be looked after. Clarity comes at a price. I've found a nanny to mind my children 2.5 days a weeks when I shall be working; I've found another lady to help with cleaning once a week; I've decided to homeschool my children for the time being, and have found a friend of 7 years who lives in the same suburb, to share the load with. I've purchased a digital slow cooker to enable me to continue to cook healthy nutritious meals even on days I work.I'm continuing to educate myself wrt religious studies and classical Arabic online, and am considering a Masters in Counselling if General Practice gels. Looked at like that, I guess I've accomplished more than it feels like. As to the sewing...I miss it, but for months, I've stayed away from the sewing room, feeling nausea or panic at the thought of going in there again. To the extent that I wondered if I ought to find another hobby. Start over. I miss it. My girls ask when I'm going to sew for them again, with them. I've still purchased some fabric and some patterns for them, but... The children ask why it is summer (albeit a cool one), and they don't have nighties as they did last year. Why I never did get around to making their ball gowns for the princess ball. This might be TMI, but mine is not a popular blog, nor is it for any reason other than, primarily to document my (sewing)life, for me. My sewing life had a huge spanner thrown in 2011. With everything set to happen in 2012, and the ensuing busy-ness, I am determined to see if sewing is still what I want to do. I want to overcome my fear, my negative associations, my ennui. I'm toying with the idea of making myself do exactly what this blog was for- sewing 1/2 hour daily. Forget the fear of failure, or of turning out crap garments, or of wasting fabric; the fabric sitting in that room is wasted anyway, unless I do something with it. I'm inspired by Mena Trott's determination to sew a dress a week. Ambitious, but I am hoping to do a garment a week. So. I'm hoping to start with basic clothing for my children, moving on to sewing for myself, since post baby #4 and the unexpected events, I lost over 10 kg in a month and since have regained it all and more the last few months...I now have a part of my abdomen that is no longer firm, but protrudes. I lost my milk supply completely and so, my bust is back to a non nursing size, but my waist is wider than it has ever been, even in late pregnancy as are my hips. I'm shocked at my size ATM. It's demoralising. I used to be a RTW Australian size 10-12 post baby #3, and pre baby #4. I'm loathe to sew for myself right now. My mind refuses to accept this might be my new size, and I don't like the look of me in the mirror, now a RTW 14 (top)- 16(bottom), not least for health reasons, since I've always been a firm believer in primary prevention medicine. So. 2012, hopefully, will be a year of figuring what I want, for myself and my children, in every area of our lives, and on more endings, if that is fitting. Of course, with endings come new beginnings...